Parleys Canyon Riders: Annual July 24th Wasatch Crest

Today the Wood clan et al. journeyed upon their mighty steeds on their annual pilgrimage along the Wasatch Crest. Long before the crack of dawn the young bucks took off from the valley floor to ride to the top of Big Cottonwood Canyon (Max, we now that you hitched a ride on the more difficult part) where they met up with the more sane members of the group who left at a more urbane hour and drove in trucks to the top. This ride was to be a tribute to the pending nuptial vows of Max and Laura. But alas, as is always the case, it was not about them, the journey or anything else, just dear old dad (and he is really old).

Dad started the ride by interviewing members of the group, a stunt he uses to make people smile early in the morning (usually a grumpy hour). Within minutes the “Great Stratification Began”, i.e. the contenders were separated from the pretenders. The contenders left behind the pretenders and were never seen again until the Jensen’s house. The contenders were shaven and showered an hour before the pretenders arrived (and made it appoint of telling us).

All along the trail to the place where the TATS was to given Dad recited aloud new lyrics to the melody of “Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin”. The words were intended to give Max and Laura marital advice. They will not be repeated here because they are not G, PG or R rated. Let’s just say that the soon to be married couple will not need to study the Kamasutra. The song went on for an extended period of time and had the group in stiches, partly because of the words and partly just because dad is who he is.

Dad was born with boyish good looks, and all his life he has used them to great effect on the opposite sex. Many times we have witness him preening in front of a mirror, window or other surface in which his image is reflected. But the ravages of time, and now the bike trail, have taken their toll on his mug. Often times he is mistaken for the fossils along bike paths.

Dad and Laura ended up riding the last few miles together before reaching the head of the Big Water trail in Millcreek Canyon. Within a hundred yards of the parking lot Dad remarked to Laura: “Well another Wood family 24^th ride is in the books without incident”. Seconds later, however, Dad decided to engage in a wrestling match with a tree root. Suddenly he found himself, to be more specfic, found his face planted among the roots of the timbers. This stunt, of course, was clearly calculated to get attention from the group, in particular his soon to be daughter-in-law Laura. Luckily, Max (are you an Eagle Scout?) whipped out his first aid kit. He and Laura began to perform surgery on the beleaguered, tired old rider. As he was being stitched up he pled with Laura to perform much needed plastic surgery to smooth out the wrinkles on his tired old face. When news of the accident was reported home the group heard Jodi exclaim concern for the loss of the good looks that beguiled her so many years ago: “Does he have any long jagged scars, gross deformities; is he going to need radical reconstructive surgery, or a major skin graft? Now the wedding pictures are going to be ruined." Not to worry, there is always Photoshop.

Thank you Dad for another entertaining and memorable July 24th.